So I’ve Picked up Blogging Again…

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Wow, it’s been a long time. I don’t quite have a ton of time to update my entire life, so I’ll cut to the chase for right now. I am the Mummy of a 4-week-old little boy right now, and its definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever done. According to a quiz my insurance company gave me, I’m “moderately depressed”. As a result, i’ve been looking up a lot of inspirational mom quotes and intentions and such, to actively keep myself positive, because i really find myself frustrated daily with my child, and in tears at night because he won’t sleep. On particularly bad days when i finally allow my husband to help me, and i collapse onto the couch or bed between 6-10am after getting 2 hours of sleep all night, i find myself crying for hours, because it comes easier than falling asleep.

I’m not a fan of diagnoses. Call me stereotyping. Call me judgemental. But i am here because i at the very least, have heavy-duty baby blues, and i don’t want anyone knowing about it. At the very most, I have at most, moderate maternal depression, and i *definitely* don’t want anyone knowing about it. I don’t judge anyone else with mental or emotional illnesses, but i judge myself for them, and i don’t want anyone else thinking i need to be taken care of, or I’m going to hurt my child.

The reason I’m back here. I need to communicate my thoughts and hurts and frustrations in a place where no one i know in person will know about it. I want to see if taking this time for myself, even if it’s 20 minutes to midnight, will improve my attitude and my stress levels. If i can take a moment to climb myself out of the hurting, frustrating and tired hole i fall into thru out the day, and remind myself why i do what i do, and the big picture i face as a mom, which is totally worth everything i go thru in a day, I’m hoping…maybe it’ll make me a better person. Because right now…
– I won’t let anyone, including my husband help me, and he finally forces the issue when I’m bawling my freaking eyes out and begging my child to sleep. I won’t let any of my inlaws hold him when he’s cranky, and even when he’s not, i wait patiently for him to start crying or need something and i promptly take him back. I’m not showering, I’m not cleaning, I’m not doing anything for myself; I’m simply waiting until he needs something to resume my only focus for these last 4 weeks.
– I get frustrated with him, simply for crying or being awake, because then i actually have to think about what to do with him, and it’s always inconvenient times like 2:30 in the morning that he decides he’s going to be wide awake and/or start screaming because he pulled his own pacifier out of his mouth and doesn’t understand why it’s not there anymore or how to get it back. I’m frustrated with my 4-week-old. What the fuck is the matter with me?
– I’m basically waiting around to be medically cleared to work out again, for the weather to be warmer so we can walk outside more often, and for when we move on the 24th of this month, back to Maine with my family where we will have more support and basically be starting fresh. There’s nothing wrong with any of those things, except that I’m basically saying my happiness hinges upon my circumstances, and when things don’t go how i want, I’m going to allow it to get to me, until the things around me change. I’m absolutely crushed by this. I thought i was better than that.
– This isn’t as big a deal because it IS hard, but i can’t even get out of the house for a gallon of milk. Everything’s cold, everyone’s sick, and it wasn’t always something i had such a hard time with, but it is now. That makes me a little nervous, because i feel like in that aspect, I’m getting worse instead of better. In theory, i don’t mind, but the actual get-up-and-go is nonexistent.
Even worse than that, i don’t want anyone else over my house either. I want to be left alone.

That’s all i can think of off the the top of my head. I’m just…struggling hard, and I’m not comfortable letting people know on Instagram or Facebook. I’m content to post pictures of my perfect child, and be positive, happy and funny like i always am. Nobody need know anything else.

So that’s why I’m back.

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Why a Coffee cup is Important to my Life Right Now

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G’morning all πŸ™‚ Feast your eyes upon my breakfast this morning!!
– 4oz cup of Wildberry kefir
-1/2 bagel with low-fat cream whipped cream cheese
-biotin capsule (one per day, with food)
-HydroFlask of water for thru-out the day. (always start fresh!)
-Coffee cup of Starbucks Harvest Spice Blend with stevia and International Delight coffee creamer.

 

There’s really not anything special about this unless you know how my life has been the last couple months.
My dear Marth and I were married on August 27th, and we zipped off on our honeymoon the day after. We were gone for a week, came home and started moving the rest of his stuff over, and i began my life-long-love-affair with the government agencies that are the Social Security office and the DMV (also, don’t even get me started on all the doctors and dentist appointments i’ll have to have as soon as we get his work insurance straightened out.) Also frequent trips to the bank, Amvets to de-clutter the tiny studio apartment, and we won’t even talk about the fact that i’m training for a new postion 30-38 hours a week, Marth works full-time, and we, and the cat, need to eat at some point in life.
Long story short, I’ve been racing around like a crazy person, and this is my official, second-day-off since the honeymoon a month ago, where i can actually stop…and breathe… and sit down to plan a productive day that doesn’t involve going to work later/when i come back from work.

The coffee cup:

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Since three days before the wedding, my daily coffee went into a travel mug. I just ran around too much, and it would get cold too fast while i was distracted with other things, or i’d have to leave; basically, my life just isn’t conducive to having a normal cup of coffee to enjoy in the morning.
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Today i decided would be different. I am up and moving later than i’d like, but i’m glad, because i needed cuddle time with Marth before he went off to another long day of work (being married is awesome; you can even justify sleeping in, and nobody makes a fuss! XD ) I made him breakfast, said goodbye and i’m settling in to what i’m hoping will be both a refreshing, and productive day, where i don’t have that weight or anxious feeling of “Being lazy”, but without burning myself out or frustrating myself.
My yoga teacher calls things like that “balance”, and, on a yoga mat, it’s referred to as a “healthy edge”, where you can stretch, bend and explore a pose without risk of injury, but KNOWING where your limit is. That’s a way to live life, too, and it’s something new i’m trying to work on! πŸ™‚
Of course, regardless of how busy my days are, i always try to squeeze in an hour walk or so (in the dark if i have to) and/or at least a 15-minute yoga routine.
These are not things that come easily or that i realize “hey, i have some extra time today; why not do that?”
These are things that i’ve had to MAKE time for, push aside other things that aren’t as important, and focus on what i need, that day.
One of my favorite phrases is “Take care of yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
It negates the “selfish” attitude that i worry about portraying when i say i’m just not up for something or i just can’t squeeze it in today, and focuses on the fact that i -and you- ALREADY do so much to help our loved ones and everyone around us, usually by just being us! If we intend to keep up that lifestyle of a giving heart and listening ear and flexible life, we need to take that time for ourselves, to ensure that we won’t break or become selfish when we lose our temper or aren’t able to give our full attention because we’re tired or unfocused.

That is what my coffee cup meant to me today; that i could take this time, this day, to organize my house, and my life, and take care of me, and that in itself IS productivity πŸ™‚ Because taking care of yourself isn’t always sleeping, or long bubble baths or chocolate or all things of that nature.
More often than not, it’s that feeling and the actions taken to be in control what you can be, and letting go of what you cannot.

So take the time, even if it’s just 15 minutes, to do something that will spur you forward and guide you throu-out the rest of your day. πŸ™‚

Some good examples to help you get started – I plan on doing a blog post for each with in-depth info as to why i like them so much! For now, if you’d like, claim what speaks to you today, and make it happen πŸ™‚Β 

-Yoga – even just for 15 minutes of your day. Doesn’t have to be hot, sweaty or crazy; but focus on the relief you need today. (back, neck, stress, anxiety, tiredness, detox, etc)
-Purchase a probiotic drink and sip it thru -out the day.
-Prayer/journaling -Again, nothing special required, and it doesn’t have to be for hours.
-Healthy snacks/meals – Go out and purchase it if your budget will allow, or learn how to make some at home too! Even planning these things gets me excited!
-Go for a walk – Last time: It doesn’t have to be 5 miles. One, or a lap around the block is plenty, if you’re doing it mindfully and not just trying to get it over with.

i do hope some of these help; again, i will be putting up a blog post for each of these things and more specifically and practically why i find them so helpful!

Have a wonderful day πŸ™‚

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VaniCream Cleansing Bar and Lite Lotion Review

When i was about 13 or 14, i developed a circular, scaling rash on the right side of my face, below my cheekbone.
Young teenage me was tired of looking “gross” and nothing seemed to be working to clear my acne or keep me from getting rashes, so my mum took me to a dermatologist.

She gave me samples of this soap and lotion to try and see if anything improved.

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Let me tell you…the results were astronomical. My skin felt like a baby’s butt, and i wore nothing but mascara and eyeliner for weeks and got nothing but compliments on how great my skin looked!

When i was away at college, just like any kid, i figured i knew everything and i met alot more people and i eventually chose to try a bunch of new things and stopped with this regular, tried-and-true routine…what on earth was i thinking… X’D

I was concerned about the cost because “Dermatologist Recommended” usually doesn’t come cheap! But i did some homework, and went to the Walgreens about 10 minutes from my work and picked up BOTH of these for a total of $20 USD! (and there’s A LOT; a full-sized soap bar and 16 oz pump bottle of lotion; they look exactly like the pictures!) They contain no dyes, lanolin, parabens, fragrances…honestly i have no clue what it is, but it works!

By the time i got them most recently, i hadn’t used these products in over a year, and my face was rebelling. I kid you not; i saw improvement after one use! ^_^ i now wash my face once a day (twice just isn’t necessary unless i’m out and about all day or feeling especially sweaty/dirty or just excess sebum and irritation) and i’m still seeing drastic improvement each day!!
I’m paying for not taking care of my skin like i should have for over a year, but let me tell you, this made it alot easier and fits the cheapskate budget! All in all, aΒ 10/10,Β every day!

One word of caution: They have a “moisturizing lotion” and a “lite lotion”. I have used both, and i personally recommend the LITE lotion for sensitive/oily skin. The regular moisturizing lotion is far heavier and has a tendency to feel greasy if you already have oily skin as it is. Just go lite; it’s safer πŸ˜› It may be a TEENSY more expensive, but it’s negligible. πŸ™‚

Well, those are my reviews for today! πŸ˜€ Keep being beautiful, loves, and i will definitely be giving more reviews as i go thru my latest MEMEBOX.com order, one mask per week! ^_^

Have you used any of the reviewed products or have any questions about them or ingredients i’ve sworn off of and why? Fire away! ^_^