Senseless Anxiety

I’m a very confident person, especially for a girl (or so i’ve been told). Not very much will completely throw me or make me sick to my stomach. Sure, i worry about what people think of me or if i’m actually doing anything with my life, but nothing crippling.

Every once in a while tho, when i do get anxious, (of course) i absolutely lose it, and (of course) it always happens out of the blue for no explicable reason.

One minute, i’m sleeping contentedly on the couch in the basement on a sunday afternoon next to the love of my life. Next minute, everything that i should be doing with my life hits me.

Meyla. You work at a retail store that gives you 20 hours a week, with no hope of things getting better there. How do you expect to pay rent? How do you expect to pay for a wedding??

Well, actually…I’ve got nothing. 

Oh. That wedding. That’s a whole different anxiety attack in itself. You don’t even know where you’re having it yet, do you? It’s now 9 months away. Whatcha gonna do about that??

Shut up, we’ll talk about that when we go to my family’s house for Thanksgiving. Goodness knows, they’ve been asking enough questions about it. 

Your family. 3:) Thanksgiving. You’re flying for the first time, and you still don’t know how you’re getting to the airport. You’re really gonna make your fiance’s parents get up at 5am to drive you to the Buffalo airport?? Good gosh; you haven’t even started packing yet. What the frick is wrong with you? 

Well, i don’t know how else we’ll get there…

And that car of your’s. Didn’t it almost not start the other night?? that rushing noise has just gotten louder, and you know it’s even worse in the cold. You really should start looking for another one. 

You see, i would if i had money…

See, it all comes down to that. You’re a bum, Rocko. You’ve accomplished nothing with your life except make yourself broker and have less of a clue of what you want to do with your future. Now, you’re sitting in front of the computer typing this all out and watching Max and Ruby because you’re marginally retarded, and it’s the only thing that you feel like doing right now….Plus you’re fat. 

WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM?!??!?!!?!?!!??!

That’s none of your business. Now go work out. Go pack. Do something. I hate you. You suck. You’re a lazy bum, and you’re engaged to a guy who’s okay with that. You realize you’re going to get fat and lazy when you grow older and live in a van down by the river-

SHUT THE FRICK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sigh* yeah. That’s the nuclear fallout that is my brain right now. Marth is still asleep. This all happened in the span of about a minute and a half to 2 minutes. I’m not an anxious person. I mean, i can be, but i’m not!
I think i’m gonna head home. I feel rotten cuz i don’t like just leaving out of nowhere and i don’t want Marth to think he did anything wrong, but the only way for me to fix this is to do something with my life. Pack and figure out what i need at walmart for the trip. (and Ben and Jerry’s ISN’T on the list. Because i’m broke and fat.) And maybe work out. That never hurt.

I mean, at least i know how to handle stuff like this in a healthy way, praise God. Because if i didn’t, stuff like this would have messed me up a long time ago.

…Right after this episode of Max and Ruby. 😉

 

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