I’m hooked on a feeling,

I’m high on believing…

 

That you’re in love with me!

-Marth and i went for a drive tonight about an hour ago and just got back now. πŸ™‚ we got hot apple cider at Tim Hortons, and sang and laughed and just enjoyed being together πŸ™‚ I can’t wait to have nights like tonight for the rest of my life!

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Senseless Anxiety

I’m a very confident person, especially for a girl (or so i’ve been told). Not very much will completely throw me or make me sick to my stomach. Sure, i worry about what people think of me or if i’m actually doing anything with my life, but nothing crippling.

Every once in a while tho, when i do get anxious, (of course) i absolutely lose it, and (of course) it always happens out of the blue for no explicable reason.

One minute, i’m sleeping contentedly on the couch in the basement on a sunday afternoon next to the love of my life. Next minute, everything that i should be doing with my life hits me.

Meyla. You work at a retail store that gives you 20 hours a week, with no hope of things getting better there. How do you expect to pay rent? How do you expect to pay for a wedding??

Well, actually…I’ve got nothing.Β 

Oh. That wedding. That’s a whole different anxiety attack in itself. You don’t even know where you’re having it yet, do you? It’s now 9 months away. Whatcha gonna do about that??

Shut up, we’ll talk about that when we go to my family’s house for Thanksgiving. Goodness knows, they’ve been asking enough questions about it.Β 

Your family. 3:) Thanksgiving. You’re flying for the first time, and you still don’t know how you’re getting to the airport. You’re really gonna make your fiance’s parents get up at 5am to drive you to the Buffalo airport?? Good gosh; you haven’t even started packing yet. What the frick is wrong with you?Β 

Well, i don’t know how else we’ll get there…

And that car of your’s. Didn’t it almost not start the other night?? that rushing noise has just gotten louder, and you know it’s even worse in the cold. You really should start looking for another one.Β 

You see, i would if i had money…

See, it all comes down to that. You’re a bum, Rocko. You’ve accomplished nothing with your life except make yourself broker and have less of a clue of what you want to do with your future. Now, you’re sitting in front of the computer typing this all out and watching Max and Ruby because you’re marginally retarded, and it’s the only thing that you feel like doing right now….Plus you’re fat.Β 

WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM?!??!?!!?!?!!??!

That’s none of your business. Now go work out. Go pack. Do something. I hate you. You suck. You’re a lazy bum, and you’re engaged to a guy who’s okay with that. You realize you’re going to get fat and lazy when you grow older and live in a van down by the river-

SHUT THE FRICK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sigh* yeah. That’s the nuclear fallout that is my brain right now. Marth is still asleep. This all happened in the span of about a minute and a half to 2 minutes. I’m not an anxious person. I mean, i can be, but i’m not!
I think i’m gonna head home. I feel rotten cuz i don’t like just leaving out of nowhere and i don’t want Marth to think he did anything wrong, but the only way for me to fix this is to do something with my life. Pack and figure out what i need at walmart for the trip. (and Ben and Jerry’s ISN’T on the list. Because i’m broke and fat.) And maybe work out. That never hurt.

I mean, at least i know how to handle stuff like this in a healthy way, praise God. Because if i didn’t, stuff like this would have messed me up a long time ago.

…Right after this episode of Max and Ruby. πŸ˜‰

 

:)

Really enjoying today so far πŸ™‚ I do have to leave for work in 2 hours, but right now i’m just enjoying cuddling under a blanket in Marth’s basement listening to worship music while he plays with his new toy, (the new Star Wars Battlefront game for PC. XD ) We’re just chilling…not particularly dying to be in eachother’s arms, but not wanting to spend the time away from eachother either πŸ™‚
Recently i’ve been thinking alot about us and wedding plans and such… Marth has volunteered (and i may have to hold him to this) to start doing some more of the footwork for planning the wedding and find a place to have the reception, which has honestly been burning me out so much; it’s so stressful, because not only do i not know the area super well, but i also have never done this before. It’s honestly super comforting to hear people at work tell me “Well, nobody knows how to do this unless you’ve been married a bunch of times!”
Just gotta keep moving forward, slow and steady, and chipping away at this. I just don’t want to be procrastinating.
We’ve also really embraced our positions in our church, me, Marth, and Caleb and Amy. We’re on the schedule to do music at church next month, and it’s honestly really exciting! ^_^ It’s just fun stuff, nothing stressful or crazy, really, nothing to make us look good or promote any agenda of our’s…just to have fun, to glorify God, and strengthen the music ministry of our church πŸ™‚ i know it means alot to our music pastor that we want to be a part of this πŸ™‚ And it’s just fun! i love singing; i’m not great, but i’m not bad, and i can perform on the fly, as long as i’ve heard the song before. (of course, i also might get stuck playing keys, which will definitely be a challenge, but isn’t impossible! πŸ™‚ )
We’re also headed out to my family’s house in Maine for thanksgiving next week! πŸ˜€ i’m so pumped; i’ve missed our neighbors and my best friends SO much. I haven’t seen them in about 7 months. :/ I’m just hoping and praying that it will be fun and enjoyable for everyone… I also need to start looking for a second job… O_O probably should do that now πŸ˜‰

Best :)

I’m writing this post over some thoughts i just had in the last few minutes and i want to write them all out so i don’t forget or misconstrue them.
I’ve figured out basically the type of person i am.
I’m not a “makeup” or “no makeup” person.
I’m not a “health junkie” or “fast food junkie”.
I’m not “forest” or “city”, or even “suburban”.
I’m a “best” person.
How can i be “best”??
My main goal for my face is how my skin can be healthiest. Which naturally means face products from Asia, putting food on my face, and washing it twice a day. πŸ™‚
My main goal for my eating is how i can be my very best, so i can run, be happy and energetic, observant, or sleep, all at the proper times. That means i eat alot of protein, usually. But some days, i just need sugar to keep my brain going at work, or caffeine before a long day. So i have some. πŸ™‚
I’m also a dirt-poor cheapskate, so if i can’t make something that is best for my budget, i’ll save until i can afford the economy size, and then it lasts me a long time πŸ™‚
It’s kinda a cool realization really πŸ™‚ i’ve tried to figure this out for myself for years. Alot of years.