So i won’t keep you in suspense. the only reason i titled this post like click bait was because my original title was too long. Originally this was titled “Why you should never ask young couples when they’re getting married.”
I’ll tell you why.
Today, my mom called me today. N0w, understand my mom is great. I love her and she’s been thru alot in her life and her marriage and i honestly really respect and care about her which is why this type of conversation is so difficult to have with her. We have a kind of strained relationship for one reason and one reason only. She says things, and then says i misunderstood her, and she actually said something else. When how she got from point A to point B doesn’t really make much sense. Alot of the times she has very valid points, but she doesn’t seem to realize that i care about what she says and i want to do what she says, but it doesn’t really work out alot.
For example. She tells me alot about things that should be done before i get married. Marth and i should have better jobs. We should move to back to Maine. We should know what we want to do with our lives. We should have a better house. We should have _______. And ________ and _______, and you name it. Basically. We shouldn’t have to worry about anything. I’ve explained to her that as Bible College students, we met BECAUSE we didn’t know what we wanted to do with our lives. Now we work at a retail store, which i know she doesn’t think highly of at all. Even if that retail store will eventually give us $15 per hour and full health benefits, 40k and all that happiness.
Usually she harps on me, because i’m her kid, and she’s allowed to tell me i’m smart enough to be a theoretical physicist or “anything I want”, but what if right now i just want to someday be a manager of the art/hobby store i work for?? Cuz i love it, and it’s amazing. I seriously wouldn’t want to do anything else right now, EXCEPT be a theoretical physicist (which i am definitely not smart enough to do; i’m no good at math.)
But today was a little different. Today she had alot to say about Marth, and it was really stressful, because every time she brings him up, i immediately respond with “I can’t force the will of God upon him. I can’t MAKE him do what you think he should be doing.” Seriously, every time she brings him up, it stresses me out. Because he’s another human being and i refuse to pin him in a corner and tell him to get his act together, like she wants me to. She thinks we should move back to Maine, because she wants him to “grow up” like i did when i moved out. She doesn’t like that he appears to lack the motivation to support me. Which isn’t true!! We just…in the words of my past boss, Sandy, “Being a young adult is far harder now than it used to be. There’s less money; less everything. It’s just harder.”
No other human being on the planet has gotten the college-aged kid like Sandy Binnette. She just rocks the world.
Seriously, tho. It was just a stressful conversation and i ended up crying, just like i always do when i get off the phone with my mom. She’s not keeping me from getting married. I’m a grown-up kid. I don’t have to do anything i don’t want to, and i can do anything i DO want to. But i really do want her to WANT me to get married. I DON’T want to have my motives and decisions questioned at every turn, and i feel like she’s trying to scare me into doing what she wants me to do. Because it’s a scary part of your life; you’re setting yourself up for how the rest of your life’s gonna go down. I’m not an idiot. She acts like i haven’t considered anything.
*Sigh* So, in conclusion, friends: Please, please, for the LOVE OF GOD, don’t ask your young adult/college-aged friends when they’re getting married and please don’t ask them when they’re having kids, if they already are married. It’s a personal thing and sometimes has way more complications than they wish there were. Sometimes all it does is stress them out, while they remember all the things keeping them from getting married, and all the uncertainties in this part of their lives, and how much they wish it wasn’t this hard. Because right now they don’t have a square one to start from next, except maybe save money.
….Any advice any of you have on the topic would be cool. Cuz i’m kinda depressed about the whole thing right now. Thanks.
“Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days….But now we’re stressed out.” -twenty one pilots, Blurryface ‘Stressed Out’