Just so the boundaries are out:
1. This is not a blog post about how guys should text/call their girlfriends more often.
2. This is not a post about how to survive long distance relationships, tho i did that as well.
3. This IS a post about those nitty-gritty life-relationship things you think after a year of being best friends and a year and a half of dating, you’ve sorted out, but you haven’t. 😛
Shall we begin?
Today i had a good conversation with dear Marth today. It started out with me being frustrated because something that was important to me didn’t seem to be important to him at all. He wasn’t there for something that was important to me on a consistent basis. i always would ask why, after the fact, in as gentle and understanding a tone as i could possibly manage, and he would always have a good explanation.
But today tore it. I just didn’t understand what was going on with him, it was making me doubt his character and no amount of “good explanations” was going to save him from a woman scorned.
I went back to his house, and he could see the “flames…on the side of my face…” as i was so lividly furious at him.
And, of course, because i’m getting old and hormonal, i can’t get mad without crying anymore, so after his best friend Caleb left, I spoke irritatedly…then loudly…then walked into the kitchen and started crying.
After a little bit, he walked in too, and rubbed my shoulder. I felt awful for yelling at him, and even more awful because i still didn’t know what to do and yelling didn’t seem to have gotten me anywhere.
He hugged me, and after a moment, i realized he was crying too, and he explained to me a situation that i was completely unaware of, and made all my anger dissipate.
Something he kept saying after the fact, when i said thankyou for explaining the ongoing situation, was “Everything i do has a reason.”
That was honestly really reassuring, because i trust him. And he’s proven himself to always have good reasons in the past.
It doesn’t mean that he’s excused from anything important to me, but i am now 100% positive that when he is unable to be there, it’s not because he’s just blowing me off.
So, applicable points from this:
- Sometimes in order to find out the reason for an ongoing issue in a person , you have to take time, and probe deeper than you think. Especially if it’s someone you’re close to, eventually the answer will come out.
- Even tho crying and yelling usually can produce immediate results in a gentler soul, it’s not usually the best way to handle it, because it leaves a hurting person feeling more hurt and hopeless because now they’re angering the person who matters most to them.
- Be understanding. When someone opens up to you about an ongoing issue, even tho something seems like an easy fix to you, if it was an easy fix, they would have done it already. Be open and understanding to why they’re putting themselves thru this issue, and be willing to fight alongside them, not treat them like they’re stupid.
- Opening up about ongoing issues is especially difficult for introverts. They’d rather keep it between themselves and one or two good friends of the same gender than open up to even their girlfriend. Part of it’s pride, and part of it is they’re used to handling things on their own.
This is Meyla’s advice for relationships and communication about on-going issues. Your thoughts?? 🙂