okay, now i get that the title sounds really high and mighty and like i think of myself so much better than everyone else. But it’s really not the case; it’s just something i don’t understand.
Since i moved to Buffalo, i’ve met 11 new girls in my age bracket (ages 18-25), and reunited with one i knew before.
Five i met from work, and i’ve had the chance to hang out with one of them.
Four I’ve met thru friends.
Two I’ve met thru family.
So far, out of those 12, two of them just have nothing in common with me. They freak out over the craziest things, and make people feel guilty about doing nothing wrong. We just don’t click. We love eachother, but our interests are different, and our responses are different and…i just don’t see us becoming good friends; we’re just too different; we just have completely different levels of respect for humanity and the ways we think are appropriate to treat people. I personally think being sullen, rude and nitpicky when things are done differently than i want, or becoming a screaming tornado that bowls over everything in it’s path when i’m angry is unacceptable and i will not behave that way. And especially acting like i did nothing wrong after the fact.
So that’s 12 -2 = 10
None of the five from work plus one of the others believe in God, and that’s honestly just hard because we have different views and outlooks on life. So it’s hard to relate and hard to talk to them sometimes because i see things thru the lens of “God is in control” and they don’t.
10 – 6 = 4
One of them just left for the school year for college in another state.
4 -1 = 3
One i quite frankly just don’t see very much…I’m honestly not sure why and i wish i was better about it. True, our lives are going in different directions but it would be good for us to spend more time together.
3 -1 = 2.
So that leaves me with two. Technically three, cuz the last one isn’t completely out of the running.
Starting from scratch is so hard, especially when you look at yourself and think “I’m the only normal one here. And that’s a scary thought because i’m one of the most ABNORMAL people i know!!!!!!!”
I don’t know; its hard to explain. I’ve never had trouble making friends, but i just don’t understand adults….Maybe it’s because i still haven’t quiet figured out exactly the way i am yet. Am i quiet? Am i loud? Am i serious? Am i goofy? Am i understanding or judgmental? Am i mature or not?
Don’t get me wrong; this type of thing doesn’t make me cry or keep me up at night anymore, but its something i wonder about.
Thankfully enough tho, Marth’s made me more of an introverted-extrovert; i do genuinely enjoy being by myself alot, and being artsy, and watching anime, and listening to music.
*sigh* I guess if you could all keep me in your thoughts and prayers as i start from scratch with friendships. I’ve never been the chillest person i know; i grew up with a 1/2 Honduran family as my best friends! They’re basically as close to Jamaican as you can get without actually being Jamaican; the chillest people in the world!! I was always a wild, loud, crazy, anxious girl that everyone was always telling to calm down. Now i’m the one who tells everyone else to calm down; the one who seems to have life under control…while i sleep on my couch, make pancakes with coffee creamer and water because i’m out of milk, and watch Golden Girls until 1am every night. X’D i mean; i have to eat my ice cream with a fork when we have double dates, because i only own three spoons!! X’D So why am i the most self-aware person i know??
Aiii..it’s frustrating sometimes. I love my friends so much, but i wish i wasn’t in this awkward stage between being an adult with a job, a car, an apartment, rent, etc, and a kid, who’s not married, with no kids of my own. I feel like i’d fit in better if i was just one or the other.