When Everyone’s Crazy But You.

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okay, now i get that the title sounds really high and mighty and like i think of myself so much better than everyone else. But it’s really not the case; it’s just something i don’t understand.
Since i moved to Buffalo, i’ve met 11 new girls in my age bracket (ages 18-25), and reunited with one i knew before.
Five i met from work, and i’ve had the chance to hang out with one of them.
Four I’ve met thru friends.
Two I’ve met thru family.

So far, out of those 12, two of them just have nothing in common with me. They freak out over the craziest things, and make people feel guilty about doing nothing wrong. We just don’t click. We love eachother, but our interests are different, and our responses are different and…i just don’t see us becoming good friends; we’re just too different; we just have completely different levels of respect for humanity and the ways we think are appropriate to treat people. I personally think being sullen, rude and nitpicky when things are done differently than i want, or becoming a screaming tornado that bowls over everything in it’s path when i’m angry is unacceptable and i will not behave that way. And especially acting like i did nothing wrong after the fact.
So that’s 12 -2 = 10
None of the five from work plus one of the others believe in God, and that’s honestly just hard because we have different views and outlooks on life. So it’s hard to relate and hard to talk to them sometimes because i see things thru the lens of “God is in control” and they don’t.
10 – 6 = 4
One of them just left for the school year for college in another state.
4 -1 = 3
One i quite frankly just don’t see very much…I’m honestly not sure why and i wish i was better about it. True, our lives are going in different directions but it would be good for us to spend more time together.
3 -1 = 2.

So that leaves me with two. Technically three, cuz the last one isn’t completely out of the running.
Starting from scratch is so hard, especially when you look at yourself and think “I’m the only normal one here. And that’s a scary thought because i’m one of the most ABNORMAL people i know!!!!!!!”
I don’t know; its hard to explain. I’ve never had trouble making friends, but i just don’t understand adults….Maybe it’s because i still haven’t quiet figured out exactly the way i am yet. Am i quiet? Am i loud? Am i serious? Am i goofy? Am i understanding or judgmental? Am i mature or not?
Don’t get me wrong; this type of thing doesn’t make me cry or keep me up at night anymore, but its something i wonder about.
Thankfully enough tho, Marth’s made me more of an introverted-extrovert; i do genuinely enjoy being by myself alot, and being artsy, and watching anime, and listening to music.
*sigh* I guess if you could all keep me in your thoughts and prayers as i start from scratch with friendships. I’ve never been the chillest person i know; i grew up with a 1/2 Honduran family as my best friends! They’re basically as close to Jamaican as you can get without actually being Jamaican; the chillest people in the world!! I was always a wild, loud, crazy, anxious girl that everyone was always telling to calm down. Now i’m the one who tells everyone else to calm down; the one who seems to have life under control…while i sleep on my couch, make pancakes with coffee creamer and water because i’m out of milk, Β and watch Golden Girls until 1am every night. X’D i mean; i have to eat my ice cream with a fork when we have double dates, because i only own three spoons!! X’D So why am i the most self-aware person i know??

Aiii..it’s frustrating sometimes. I love my friends so much, but i wish i wasn’t in this awkward stage between being an adult with a job, a car, an apartment, rent, etc, and a kid, who’s not married, with no kids of my own. Β I feel like i’d fit in better if i was just one or the other.

:D

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Yoooo!! So just took a look at my “countries” check-in and saw i had two views from the UK, one from the Philippines and one from Canada!! Welcome friends and i hope you’ve enjoyed what you’ve seen! ^_^ i absolutely love learning about other cultures, so absolutely feel free to contact me. πŸ™‚ I’d absolutely love to hear your “life and thoughts and such” as well as your favorite things about your country!
Thanks again for visiting! ^_^

Saturday’s Quiet Time – Proverbs 31:10-31

So my college puts out these devotional books called Quiet Times for each year. Today we finished off Proverbs. πŸ™‚ One of the questions it asked was ‘Look at these areas of life, and list how you can grow more in them‘. The list was

Strength
Honor or Dignity
Preparedness
Kind, wise words
Caring Actions
Work Ethic

It was a really eye-opening experience and something i’d like to remember, so i’m writing a more expanded version of what i wrote there, because there wasn’t alot of space…

Strength –Β I’m a firm believer that this is physical strength as well. Because the ability to discipline one’s self physically, especially in the American culture, is a big deal to being able to discipline one’s self in other ways. So for this, my goals are definitely to continue to strive to eat cleaner, work out consistently, and get more sleep…be less stressed, basically. (because stress is a choice, it’s just a really REALLY hard choice NOT to make) Stress affects so many areas of our life, physically, spiritually and emotionally, and the root of it basically says we don’t trust God enough to care for us, and we need to be running around like chickens with our heads cut off, biting people’s heads off, and getting acne.
Boiling it down into one word? Strength = Trust. The opposite of trust is stress. Thankyou Lord for the strength not to stress.

Honor/ Dignity – For me, i see the opposite of dignity as embarrassment. And embarrassment is inevitable in life, but you can take it in a way that reveals a lack of dignity or an abundance of it; make sense??
My goals for this one is definitely to be more conscientious of my surroundings, so i don’t say or do stupid things, think ahead, and voice my opinions to Marth to keep us both on the same page. And when the inevitable happens, to roll with the punches, always considering the other people involved and making everything as least-awkward as possible! And laughing it off when there’s just no other choice. X’D
One of the greatest things anyone has ever told me was from my best friend Kym. She’s a couple years younger than me and the most chill gangster i’ve ever met! When i would be having a breakdown about how upset or embarrassed i was, or how something didn’t go my way, and how awful i must look, and how everyone must be thinking ________ and _______ about me, she looked me in the face and said “…Nobody thinks that except YOU!”
And over the years i’ve discovered it’s quite true. So when the worst enters my brain and i want to curl in a hole and die, or make a big fuss in front of people, letting them know how embarrassed i am and how awful i must look… “Nobody thinks that except me.”

Preparedness – This mainly applies to finances for me, and also boils down to two points, four words. “Be Wise” and “Plan Ahead”. I LOVE spending money. But i also need to remember i’m taking a week off of work to see my family in Maine, and need money to survive off of after then! Marth and i have been getting way better with money now that he has a car payment…splitting checks and such, looking out for eachother’s spending. It’s honestly a great experience, and i love being able to be his partner as we try to live life better πŸ™‚

Kind, Wise Words –Β “If you look for the bad in mankind, you will surely find it.” Kind, wise words are important; so much so that they’re even some people’s love languages, the way they receive love best! (Marth is one of those people) My goal for this is definitely to look for the good in people and tell them about it. Tell them i’m proud of them, and mean it. Tell them they’re doing a good job, and mean it. Hold my tongue when something negative enters my mouth. There’s always going to be something to be unkind and rude about it. It’s harder to find kinder things to say, and honestly? Nothing good comes easy.

Caring Actions –Β I have a hard time with this because i choose sides. I find what’s right, and die beside it. But people doing wrong don’t need you to choose sides, they need confrontation, so then you can all be right. If they’re satisfied with being wrong, they’ll definitely lose a few respect points in my eyes, but then the goal has shifted. You can’t look at it as “she’s wrong, i’m right.” Now you look at it as a human being you love, and want to continue a relationship with. “Love covers a multitude of sins”, my friends. Is it harder? Yeah.
But – say it with me – “NOTHING…GOOD…COMES….EASY.”

Work EthicΒ – One word – FOCUS. I love people and i love talking to them. For the last several years of my life, i’ve been taught that relationships with people are the most important thing in the world. But the world doesn’t think that way. While i may not agree, if i want to survive in this world, and maintain my relationships with people, worth ethic is a big deal. People are counting on me to get stuff done. That’s where “Working for the Lord and not for men” comes in…It’s not just my manager telling me what to do.

The last question was “What was one area that stuck out to you that you can work on long term?”Β One Word.Β Grace.Β Grace in living, grace towards others, and grace towards the circumstances of life. Roll with the punches, keep the big picture ahead in your brain. Behold…the world yet turns. πŸ™‚

“Grace so amazing; boundless and free! Grace for the broken and sinner like me!! All Glory to Jesus; the Savior who gives grace that is greater than all my sins. Grace that is greater than all my sin.” – Steve Fee ‘Grace’ ❀

Memebox. com – First Purchases!!

They finally came!!

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I got four face masks, blackhead patches/stickers, snail gel, and bunny lip gloss!! πŸ˜€
I tried the first of the blackhead stickers yesterday…

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While i honestly am not sure i have a ton of blackheads or not, it didn’t seem to do much the first time around. I actually have another one on my face now to see if it does any more…it did seem to bring some to the surface, and definitely got some from the corners of my nose! I’m trying it again tonight and seeing if it does anything else… It was $6.55 for 10 patches, so pretty good πŸ™‚

Today, i tried this acai berry mask from Etude House and it honestly was super great…its just for whitening and moisturizing and that’s definitely what it did! πŸ™‚ It wasn’t very expensive either πŸ™‚

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My self-confidence isn’t quite enough to put a picture of me with it on my face yet haha, but someday i promise!! ^_^

UPDATE – Using the blackhead sticker the 2nd time around produced at least 50% improvement from the time before!! make sure you wash your face with an oil-based soap and lukewarm water, and then foaming soap with warm water first!!!

Listen to me.

I have a thyroid deficiency.

That basically means my body works twice as hard as it should to raise my metabolism and accomplishes nothing except to make me want to sleep and eat. As a result, i gain weight very easily, and keeping it off is next to impossible. So people get on my case alot about not eating anything, and alot of it is a combination of just genuinely not being hungry, or being anxious because every bite of anything packs the pounds on and the only way to keep it off is by working out for hours a day, which i just don’t have the time for. I’m usually very positive about this. I know i’m destined to be a chunky girl and i’m okay with this for the most part.
But sometimes i get inspired and dream of being 120-130 lbs again, and i start to eat better. Then, i have a day where i throw calories out the window, (and for most people that’s not a big deal!! But, for me, that means i’m going to be working off those calories for days) and i’ve just taken a huge step backwards and erased what could possibly be weeks worth of healthy eating. And that’s enough to make anyone depressed…which just makes me want to sleep and eat more.

So the point of this rant is, please, please, special men in the lives of women. There’s some of us that just aren’t ever going to be perfect. We’re never going to have perfect-sized boobs, flat stomachs, firm butts, clear faces, soft skin and smooth, frizz-free hair. And it’s NEVER going to happen all at the same time. Roger that?? NEVER.

Please also know that every time we see another girl or a picture on facebook of a flawless girl who looks like she has all these things at the same time, it’s like a lightning bolt of insecurity, that ranges from barely shocking us, to knocking us off our feet, depending on the time/day/phases of the moon/etc. X’D

More than anything in my physical life, i want to be skinny, and i want it RIGHT NOW. But there’s more to life than that, and i need to remember it, EVERY. DAY. Because it will take over my life if i let it.
These are things that go thru a girl’s head every day, multiple times a day. We know, as the important guys in our lives, that you love us. But that’s not enough to keep us from caring about being our best in every way, because now you’re there with us. We’ll never get tired of you telling us that you love us exactly the way we are, and if you feel like throwing some specifics in there, that’s even better. No matter what, don’t let us focus on something we don’t want, be it more curves or less.

… #end rant. Β I have to end it now, because my eyelids keep falling over my eyes when i don’t expect them.

Twenty-One Pilots – Lane Boy

I can’t listen to a single song by these guys without thinking about my Bible college experience πŸ™‚ we listened to them so much, all the time, and for me it just never got old. πŸ™‚
I especially love the part of this song, where he says “Don’t trust a perfect person, and don’t trust a song that’s flawless…They say ‘stay in your lane, boy’…we go where we want to.”
(I will admit to having a mini spaz attack in the passenger seat of Marth’s buick, gasping a few times, “WOW….that was so profound. I didn’t expect that right then…” X’D Shouldn’t have expected anything less πŸ™‚ Enjoy, dears. Enjoy the imperfections of life; learn to trust the irregularity…the only thing that’s promised πŸ™‚ And go where you want to. ❀

Bastille – Laughter Lines

I’m pretty sure i’ve posted this song before, or maybe another from the Bad Blood album…
This song just makes me smile. πŸ™‚
“I’ll see you in the future, when we’re older…And we are full of stories, to be told.
Cross my heart, and hope to die…I’ll see you, with your laughter lines.”
After having friends all over the world now, some of which i might never see again…it’s a comforting reminder, that i WILL see them again. And not just “again”, but happy, with their laughter lines. ❀
Enjoy, loves, and sleep well πŸ™‚

“Have you Hugged your Retail Workers Today??” (People Skills 101)

I work a retail job πŸ™‚ So does my boyfriend, and some of my best friends in New York πŸ™‚ We work at the Christian-owned craft store chain, Hobby Lobby πŸ™‚ We sell a variety of crafters things, like seasonal decorations, party supplies, scrapbooking/rubber stamps and paper, unfinished wood, clay, beads and jewelry making supplies, iron-ons, tie dye and t-shirts, paints, pastels, pencils and canvases and sketchbooks, we have our own custom framing shop, yarn, cotton thread, embroidery thread, sewing patterns and fabric, thread, synthetic flowers and flower arrangements (we do custom flower arrangements too) and two aisles of wedding supplies. πŸ™‚ oh, and the whole middle of the store is home decor stuff like chalkboards and wall hangings, picture frames, candles and furniture. It’s a pretty amazing retail store πŸ™‚ Plus we have tons of weekly sales and a coupon that takes 40% off any one item that isn’t already on sale. We’re pretty accommodating people.

Today, because one of our normal cashiers is out with a back injury, i was on the register all day instead of processing my freight in the Home Accents section. (basically, putting away all the stuff we got in delivery two days ago). I was kinda disappointed i wasn’t gonna get my stuff done, but it was whatever.
Everyone was absolutely wonderful. πŸ™‚ Honestly. Our customers are absolutely great, and i’m so thankful for them, and how understanding and friendly they are! But, there’s always a statistic. And when you get such wonderful people all day, you’re bound to get at least one truly awful person.

This middle-aged lady came up with four Thanksgiving decorations. Something about her attitude made me nervous; she just seemed very forceful and impatient. I was anxious to just get her out of the store, but she proceeded to start to pay by flinging change from her purse onto the counter. I patiently counted out $5.13 of her $36 in change, and keyed it in, because we have to do everything manually; no scanners at Hobby Lobby.
Instead, i accidentally typed $50.13, because i always get my zeros messed up. It said i owed her a bunch of change and printed a receipt.
Aww, crap.Β  Of all the people.
We both just sat frozen for a minute, and i wasn’t sure what to do.
Without saying a word, I quickly picked up the phone and paged El Little Mexican Manager, Pedro Martinez. (The lady is now telling me how she has her dog in the car and she doesn’t have time for this.)
Pedro and i have a rocky relationship, but he showed his true colors today. He came over and i explained it to him. He said what he had to do was “return” the four things, approve the return, and then ring them back in again. By now, there were 4-5 other people behind this lady who is still griping her black heart out.
She starts whining to the mom behind her, and said again that her dog was in the car and she came in for one thing and this is what happened. I explained to her what we were doing and she started telling me AGAIN about her stupid, frickin’ dog in the car, like i cared or like it would somehow make me go faster, and i politely said i understood and we were almost done. She rolls her eyes and says “oh, iΒ BETΒ you do!”
Finally, i handed her the return receipt and said i needed her to sign it and she flung the pen at me and said “no YOU sign it! Its your mistake, doll, and i’m not putting up with this-” and she kept going on and on about i made this mistake and she shouldn’t have to do anything, even sign a receipt, to fix it.
…And i just looked at her. I couldn’t believe a fully grown woman was giving me the same bullroar that my 8-year-old sister did when i lived at home.
I was like “Umm, excuse me-” And Pedro quickly interjected and just said “okay, please just approve the credit card transaction and then you’re all set-”
And she goes “UM, NO, I-” And he points out that all she needs to do is clickΒ okayΒ on the PINpad. She snatches the receipt out of my hand and walks out the door.
i just stared at Pedro. i couldn’t believe this had happened to me; that this fully grown woman made a complete and total idiot of herself in front of 4 other adults and at least one kid.

I wasn’t going to cry. Absolutely not.

The mom looked down at her daughter who was about 7 and said “Don’t you ever do that do someone, you understand? You don’t ever treat people like that.”
She came up to me and i cashed out all her craft stuff, and she said “Don’t you even worry about; some people are just so ignorant. That was awful, and she had no right to treat you like that.”
And Pedro just smiled at me “it’s okay…you’re okay…”

Then i started crying.

Like, real, lip trembling, hand shaking, tears-crying. Every person who observed the whole thing was so nice to me and said i did just fine and complimented me on not completely losing it, and that only made me cry harder.

Pedro gave me a 20-minute break instead of a 15, and i cleaned the coffee maker in the breakroom and talked to Kathie, from Fabric. She’s a mom, and it was helpful to tell the story and get it all out, and i cried a bit more. I was totally okay!!! Β I really was; i’m a big kid and i’ve been yelled at before, plenty of times…I just couldn’t understand that crazy woman…

One of the cashiers paged me to go to my register, and Pedro cancelled it. I looked at Kathie. “I think he thinks i’m broken… X’D ”

When i came back i told him “Just so you know, i appreciate the long break, but i’m a big kid, and i’ve been yelled at before. I just couldn’t believe a grown woman would make such a fool of herself; it was so dumb…”
Pedro nodded and smiled and said “Of course; i know!! i knew you were okay, but i know that when you get frustrated, or angry, it’ll make you cry. I know because i’m the same way. i just wanted you to know i understood and that if you wanted a minute to get it out, that was okay. And honestly,” (this was the best part) “If there weren’t so many other customers behind her, I would have gone off on her for you. Because that was just unacceptable.”
I just smiled.

So i got chewed up and spit out by my one rotten customer today, (the worst customer i’ve had in my 4 months of being there.) But, i got a better relationship with my manager, and i hope it will stay that way…I think our new assistant manager, Ron, is teaching him that you need to treat your people well, and they’ll die for you. Because i know Marth and i would follow Ron to the bitter end, and he’s only been here for a month or two. Because Ron knows if he wants good people, he has to treat them well. I think Pedro’s catching on too πŸ™‚

On the flip side, I got to talk to a sweet girl who’s birthday is September 2nd, (she just turned 9) and she’s having a sleepover party. She was getting canvas tote bags and puffy paint to do with her friends. πŸ™‚ I needed to ask Pedro a question, and she asked what he looked like so he could keep an eye out for when he came to my register. I told her he was the short guy with dark hair, and she spotted him right away and was super proud of herself!! X’D it was so cute πŸ™‚
There was also a sweet mom; she was so great…As a retail worker, you see lots and lots of parenting styles.
Some are like my mom who kinda let their kids be adventurous and they can look and touch but know better than to ask for or break anything, and the threat of “okay, fine, see ya later!” was a common thing when we didn’t come when we were called.
Some are more annoying then their kids, when they give the kids anything they want, at any cost, and those same people usually tend to have either horribly behaved kids, or normal kids with horribly behaved parents. I had one lady with a baby about 1 1/2 years old, and all she would do was yell “STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP! STOPPIT!!” For the entire 3 minutes of her transaction; way more annoying than her kid was.
But my favorite parents is what my mom always tried to be, and she’s actually gotten better at it. This lady had a 2-3 year old, and she squirmed and ran off at one point, and she just calmly and quickly chased her down and scooped her up…when she started to fight in line, she said “hey, hey…I need your help! Can you put these on the counter for me? Can you put the basket away?”
As the baby, of course, walked right past the basket holder and the mom sweetly redirected her, and showed her where it went…I couldn’t even deal; i just kept smiling!
It made me happy to see a parent who was bigger than her three-year-old, at least in public. It was super amazing πŸ™‚ i wish i could see her again and tell her how awesome she is πŸ™‚

But seriously. This is the life of a retail worker πŸ™‚ it’s work, its tiring. Its busy, it takes alot of energy. There’s strained relationships and best friends. There’s good people and there’s losers. You never know what has happened to the cashier 15 or 10 minutes ago, so please, make it your goal to be their favorite customer that day, no matter what happens. Especially if they make a mistake.
Tip your waitresses…and hug your retail workers, y’all. πŸ™‚ ❀