When Everyone’s Crazy But You.

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okay, now i get that the title sounds really high and mighty and like i think of myself so much better than everyone else. But it’s really not the case; it’s just something i don’t understand.
Since i moved to Buffalo, i’ve met 11 new girls in my age bracket (ages 18-25), and reunited with one i knew before.
Five i met from work, and i’ve had the chance to hang out with one of them.
Four I’ve met thru friends.
Two I’ve met thru family.

So far, out of those 12, two of them just have nothing in common with me. They freak out over the craziest things, and make people feel guilty about doing nothing wrong. We just don’t click. We love eachother, but our interests are different, and our responses are different and…i just don’t see us becoming good friends; we’re just too different; we just have completely different levels of respect for humanity and the ways we think are appropriate to treat people. I personally think being sullen, rude and nitpicky when things are done differently than i want, or becoming a screaming tornado that bowls over everything in it’s path when i’m angry is unacceptable and i will not behave that way. And especially acting like i did nothing wrong after the fact.
So that’s 12 -2 = 10
None of the five from work plus one of the others believe in God, and that’s honestly just hard because we have different views and outlooks on life. So it’s hard to relate and hard to talk to them sometimes because i see things thru the lens of “God is in control” and they don’t.
10 – 6 = 4
One of them just left for the school year for college in another state.
4 -1 = 3
One i quite frankly just don’t see very much…I’m honestly not sure why and i wish i was better about it. True, our lives are going in different directions but it would be good for us to spend more time together.
3 -1 = 2.

So that leaves me with two. Technically three, cuz the last one isn’t completely out of the running.
Starting from scratch is so hard, especially when you look at yourself and think “I’m the only normal one here. And that’s a scary thought because i’m one of the most ABNORMAL people i know!!!!!!!”
I don’t know; its hard to explain. I’ve never had trouble making friends, but i just don’t understand adults….Maybe it’s because i still haven’t quiet figured out exactly the way i am yet. Am i quiet? Am i loud? Am i serious? Am i goofy? Am i understanding or judgmental? Am i mature or not?
Don’t get me wrong; this type of thing doesn’t make me cry or keep me up at night anymore, but its something i wonder about.
Thankfully enough tho, Marth’s made me more of an introverted-extrovert; i do genuinely enjoy being by myself alot, and being artsy, and watching anime, and listening to music.
*sigh* I guess if you could all keep me in your thoughts and prayers as i start from scratch with friendships. I’ve never been the chillest person i know; i grew up with a 1/2 Honduran family as my best friends! They’re basically as close to Jamaican as you can get without actually being Jamaican; the chillest people in the world!! I was always a wild, loud, crazy, anxious girl that everyone was always telling to calm down. Now i’m the one who tells everyone else to calm down; the one who seems to have life under control…while i sleep on my couch, make pancakes with coffee creamer and water because i’m out of milk,  and watch Golden Girls until 1am every night. X’D i mean; i have to eat my ice cream with a fork when we have double dates, because i only own three spoons!! X’D So why am i the most self-aware person i know??

Aiii..it’s frustrating sometimes. I love my friends so much, but i wish i wasn’t in this awkward stage between being an adult with a job, a car, an apartment, rent, etc, and a kid, who’s not married, with no kids of my own.  I feel like i’d fit in better if i was just one or the other.

:D

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Yoooo!! So just took a look at my “countries” check-in and saw i had two views from the UK, one from the Philippines and one from Canada!! Welcome friends and i hope you’ve enjoyed what you’ve seen! ^_^ i absolutely love learning about other cultures, so absolutely feel free to contact me. 🙂 I’d absolutely love to hear your “life and thoughts and such” as well as your favorite things about your country!
Thanks again for visiting! ^_^

Saturday’s Quiet Time – Proverbs 31:10-31

So my college puts out these devotional books called Quiet Times for each year. Today we finished off Proverbs. 🙂 One of the questions it asked was ‘Look at these areas of life, and list how you can grow more in them‘. The list was

Strength
Honor or Dignity
Preparedness
Kind, wise words
Caring Actions
Work Ethic

It was a really eye-opening experience and something i’d like to remember, so i’m writing a more expanded version of what i wrote there, because there wasn’t alot of space…

Strength – I’m a firm believer that this is physical strength as well. Because the ability to discipline one’s self physically, especially in the American culture, is a big deal to being able to discipline one’s self in other ways. So for this, my goals are definitely to continue to strive to eat cleaner, work out consistently, and get more sleep…be less stressed, basically. (because stress is a choice, it’s just a really REALLY hard choice NOT to make) Stress affects so many areas of our life, physically, spiritually and emotionally, and the root of it basically says we don’t trust God enough to care for us, and we need to be running around like chickens with our heads cut off, biting people’s heads off, and getting acne.
Boiling it down into one word? Strength = Trust. The opposite of trust is stress. Thankyou Lord for the strength not to stress.

Honor/ Dignity – For me, i see the opposite of dignity as embarrassment. And embarrassment is inevitable in life, but you can take it in a way that reveals a lack of dignity or an abundance of it; make sense??
My goals for this one is definitely to be more conscientious of my surroundings, so i don’t say or do stupid things, think ahead, and voice my opinions to Marth to keep us both on the same page. And when the inevitable happens, to roll with the punches, always considering the other people involved and making everything as least-awkward as possible! And laughing it off when there’s just no other choice. X’D
One of the greatest things anyone has ever told me was from my best friend Kym. She’s a couple years younger than me and the most chill gangster i’ve ever met! When i would be having a breakdown about how upset or embarrassed i was, or how something didn’t go my way, and how awful i must look, and how everyone must be thinking ________ and _______ about me, she looked me in the face and said “…Nobody thinks that except YOU!”
And over the years i’ve discovered it’s quite true. So when the worst enters my brain and i want to curl in a hole and die, or make a big fuss in front of people, letting them know how embarrassed i am and how awful i must look… “Nobody thinks that except me.”

Preparedness – This mainly applies to finances for me, and also boils down to two points, four words. “Be Wise” and “Plan Ahead”. I LOVE spending money. But i also need to remember i’m taking a week off of work to see my family in Maine, and need money to survive off of after then! Marth and i have been getting way better with money now that he has a car payment…splitting checks and such, looking out for eachother’s spending. It’s honestly a great experience, and i love being able to be his partner as we try to live life better 🙂

Kind, Wise Words – “If you look for the bad in mankind, you will surely find it.” Kind, wise words are important; so much so that they’re even some people’s love languages, the way they receive love best! (Marth is one of those people) My goal for this is definitely to look for the good in people and tell them about it. Tell them i’m proud of them, and mean it. Tell them they’re doing a good job, and mean it. Hold my tongue when something negative enters my mouth. There’s always going to be something to be unkind and rude about it. It’s harder to find kinder things to say, and honestly? Nothing good comes easy.

Caring Actions – I have a hard time with this because i choose sides. I find what’s right, and die beside it. But people doing wrong don’t need you to choose sides, they need confrontation, so then you can all be right. If they’re satisfied with being wrong, they’ll definitely lose a few respect points in my eyes, but then the goal has shifted. You can’t look at it as “she’s wrong, i’m right.” Now you look at it as a human being you love, and want to continue a relationship with. “Love covers a multitude of sins”, my friends. Is it harder? Yeah.
But – say it with me – “NOTHING…GOOD…COMES….EASY.”

Work Ethic – One word – FOCUS. I love people and i love talking to them. For the last several years of my life, i’ve been taught that relationships with people are the most important thing in the world. But the world doesn’t think that way. While i may not agree, if i want to survive in this world, and maintain my relationships with people, worth ethic is a big deal. People are counting on me to get stuff done. That’s where “Working for the Lord and not for men” comes in…It’s not just my manager telling me what to do.

The last question was “What was one area that stuck out to you that you can work on long term?” One Word. Grace. Grace in living, grace towards others, and grace towards the circumstances of life. Roll with the punches, keep the big picture ahead in your brain. Behold…the world yet turns. 🙂

“Grace so amazing; boundless and free! Grace for the broken and sinner like me!! All Glory to Jesus; the Savior who gives grace that is greater than all my sins. Grace that is greater than all my sin.” – Steve Fee ‘Grace’ 

Memebox. com – First Purchases!!

They finally came!!

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I got four face masks, blackhead patches/stickers, snail gel, and bunny lip gloss!! 😀
I tried the first of the blackhead stickers yesterday…

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While i honestly am not sure i have a ton of blackheads or not, it didn’t seem to do much the first time around. I actually have another one on my face now to see if it does any more…it did seem to bring some to the surface, and definitely got some from the corners of my nose! I’m trying it again tonight and seeing if it does anything else… It was $6.55 for 10 patches, so pretty good 🙂

Today, i tried this acai berry mask from Etude House and it honestly was super great…its just for whitening and moisturizing and that’s definitely what it did! 🙂 It wasn’t very expensive either 🙂

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My self-confidence isn’t quite enough to put a picture of me with it on my face yet haha, but someday i promise!! ^_^

UPDATE – Using the blackhead sticker the 2nd time around produced at least 50% improvement from the time before!! make sure you wash your face with an oil-based soap and lukewarm water, and then foaming soap with warm water first!!!

Listen to me.

I have a thyroid deficiency.

That basically means my body works twice as hard as it should to raise my metabolism and accomplishes nothing except to make me want to sleep and eat. As a result, i gain weight very easily, and keeping it off is next to impossible. So people get on my case alot about not eating anything, and alot of it is a combination of just genuinely not being hungry, or being anxious because every bite of anything packs the pounds on and the only way to keep it off is by working out for hours a day, which i just don’t have the time for. I’m usually very positive about this. I know i’m destined to be a chunky girl and i’m okay with this for the most part.
But sometimes i get inspired and dream of being 120-130 lbs again, and i start to eat better. Then, i have a day where i throw calories out the window, (and for most people that’s not a big deal!! But, for me, that means i’m going to be working off those calories for days) and i’ve just taken a huge step backwards and erased what could possibly be weeks worth of healthy eating. And that’s enough to make anyone depressed…which just makes me want to sleep and eat more.

So the point of this rant is, please, please, special men in the lives of women. There’s some of us that just aren’t ever going to be perfect. We’re never going to have perfect-sized boobs, flat stomachs, firm butts, clear faces, soft skin and smooth, frizz-free hair. And it’s NEVER going to happen all at the same time. Roger that?? NEVER.

Please also know that every time we see another girl or a picture on facebook of a flawless girl who looks like she has all these things at the same time, it’s like a lightning bolt of insecurity, that ranges from barely shocking us, to knocking us off our feet, depending on the time/day/phases of the moon/etc. X’D

More than anything in my physical life, i want to be skinny, and i want it RIGHT NOW. But there’s more to life than that, and i need to remember it, EVERY. DAY. Because it will take over my life if i let it.
These are things that go thru a girl’s head every day, multiple times a day. We know, as the important guys in our lives, that you love us. But that’s not enough to keep us from caring about being our best in every way, because now you’re there with us. We’ll never get tired of you telling us that you love us exactly the way we are, and if you feel like throwing some specifics in there, that’s even better. No matter what, don’t let us focus on something we don’t want, be it more curves or less.

… #end rant.  I have to end it now, because my eyelids keep falling over my eyes when i don’t expect them.