Thoughts and Frustrations.

Today was a wonderful day πŸ™‚ I slept over at Marth’s best friend’s fiance, Amy’s, apartment and we stayed up way too late and talked and hung out and went for a long walk…In the morning, we got up and went up the road to teach the middle school kids at her church until 12:30.
We had a meeting with the youth leader staff and then we went to her parents’ house for her bridal shower. πŸ™‚ It was so amazing and so great to hang out with a ton of girls and talk πŸ™‚ Amy’s maid of honor and friend from highschool became two of my new best friends, and i’m super thankful for her fiance/Marth’s best friend, Caleb. πŸ™‚ It was just a great afternoon/night, ending with joyriding in Kyle’s car (the maid of honor), moving the shower gifts into Amy and Caleb’s cars, and then Amy and I singing at the top of our lungs all the way back to the apartment. πŸ™‚


I ended up stopping at Marth’s house, cuz as far as i knew, he was still at home. But when i got there, his parents said he had left for Rochester earlier that day, an hour away.
He didn’t feel the need to tell me he was leaving by shooting me a facebook message before he left (he knew i wanted to see him.) and all he had said that day was “my phone’s broken; if you need to get ahold of me, try facebook”.
It just kinda really frustrates me, cuz i don’t know if he even went to church today, which i really think is important and he doesn’t really seem to, and this is the third time in a month and a half or so that he’s done something like this; just up and left or didn’t show up and had no way of telling me that he was late or not coming at all…
I don’t understand; why is it such a difficult concept?? It’s just “hey, honey, I’m going to be out tonight, and then i’ll have work tomorrow, but i’ll see you… Sometime. I love you. πŸ™‚ ”

Like…that’s all i’d need but that’s too hard.
Uuugh. I’m just ticked and frustrated. I don’t even know when I’m actually going to get to talk to him, cuz he works at 4 tomorrow and i’m certain he won’t be home before then to come see me…he works 8am to early afternoon tuesday and wednesday and i work early afternoon until 8:30 or 9pm. So basically i’m probably not going to see him until thursday night.

*sigh* i’m just being stupid, i know. It’s just super annoying.
It’s just one of those times when it’s the nitty-gritty, dirty, icky “better or worse” stuff about a relationship. Don’t enter one unless you’re sure you can handle it.

Hanji Zoe – Character Review

Recently Mark and i have been ridiculously obsessed with the anime Shingeki no Kyojin (in English, Attack on Titan).
It’s almost too weird for me, but i ended up binge-watching the last 12ish episodes while i stayed up until 3:30 doing a painting haha πŸ™‚


I’ve decided my favorite character is Hanji Zoe, the scientist/research expert of the group.
She’s a squad leader for the Scout Regiment, and the second in command to Erwin Smith.

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She is in charge of the study of humanity’s greatest enemy, the Titans, who eat humans for no apparent reason. They came about suddenly, many years ago, and humanity knows next to nothing about them. Because of the information required for her experiments, the Scout Regiment has captured many Titans alive for her to study.
I admire Hanji’s ability to become attached to people and things without fear of losing them. She has very open emotions, both about her friends in the Scout Regiment, the new cadet additions, and her Titan test subjects.
She gives them names, and will go physically closer to them than anyone else; she just isn’t afraid of them.

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Her desire for research isn’t fueled by how many friends she’s seen die, or the fact that humanity is held behind the walls Rose and Sina, trying to survive. It’s just her desire to learn and her curiosity about the unknown Titans. Nothing frightens her if she can find some new information in the end.
But she’s no fool; she knows when science has reached it’s limits and she has to fight.

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I love her relationships with the men in the Scout Regiment, and how she’s able to joke with Levi and how Erwin trusts her very much.
Hands-down she’s definitely my favorite character in AOT!!

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Ahh i can’t wait for season 2 to come out!!! Don’t tell Marth, but i accidentally read ahead in the manga and i know some crazy stuff that goes down!! O_O ooh i’m so excited!!

“If theres anything you don’t understand, learn to understand it. It’s well worth any risk to our lives.” – Hanji Zoe

p.s. – Regardless of all that everyone says about her not having a gender, everybody has a gender. Hanji is a girl. ^_^

It’s such Fun to be a little Odd!

Hello loves πŸ™‚ I just realized i should probably be sleeping now but the last week, i’ve had a horrible time going to sleep before 1-1:30am, and i’m not sure why…Sleep is kinda a hard thing for me, because all the time i’m tossing and turning and can’t sleep, i start counting the hours i have left before i have to wake up, and then that makes me anxious and then i REALLY can’t sleep…just a vicious circle of sleeplessness haha πŸ™‚ Work’s been eating me up; i guess that’s why…i hardly know what to do with myself if i’m not there…
Thankfully i had an awesome tumblr-inspired idea for a painting on multiple canvases i want to do tomorrow!! ^_^


X’D which of course, if Marth saw this, it would be one of those times that he’d just be like “You’re crazy…” X’D But, he loves me, so it doesn’t bother me that he thinks that, or doesn’t quite understand my style πŸ™‚

Also, apparently i’m Hanji Zoe from Attack on TitanΒ 
(that smile tho! She cracks me up! ^_^ )

…And Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter ^_^Β 
It’s such fun to be just a little odd! πŸ™‚

I love characters such as these, and being like them myself, because they’re the ones that let you know that it’s okay to be different. I don’t have to defend my interests or the way i am, i can just…BE, and no matter what there’s always going to be someone who thinks i’m weird or crazy.
Hanji just gets so excited over learning new things about humankind’s greatest enemy, that she doesn’t fear them or want to wipe them all out, the way the others do. (of course, tho, that doesn’t stop her from doing what needs to be done!)
Luna sees things that other people don’t, and people don’t usually understand her, but she truly cherishes the attempts of the few who try. πŸ™‚

They’re just neat characters…I’m a fan. πŸ™‚

“I’m hugging you, you dummy! Shut up…Shh…shut up.”

Last night i went over Marth’s house to hang out with his parents. πŸ™‚ He was about two hours away with one of his friends, who’s a pastor at another church. We had an awesome time; they gave me food and let me pick thru the movies they were getting rid of (MATRIX on vhs, Fantastic Four, Open Season and Star Trek: Nemasis on DVD, for the win!) and we watched Night Court and talked. πŸ™‚ About Marth, about cars, and travelling and life, and family and money and just growing-up stuff πŸ™‚ It was absolutely amazing. πŸ™‚

The episode we watched guest starred Michael J Fox, as a troubled teenager who wanted to get married, and insisted that neither of their parents cared what they did. Harry Stone, the judge, kept insisting that even if their parents didn’t care, his attorney, the guy who was convinced he was Santa Claus, and Harry himself did care about him. Michael (or Eddie, his character) blew it off, saying that it was all talk and people said that all the time even tho they didn’t mean it.Β 
Finally, realizing the conversation wasn’t getting him anywhere and Eddie was just freaking out more, Harry grabs him over the shoulders and hugs him. Eddie tries to squirm away and says “What are you doing??! Let me go!” And Harry won’t. He just says “I’m hugging you, you dummy! Now shut up-” Eddie fights even more. “…Shhh…shut up.” Harry says gently and won’t let go. Eddie fights less, and finally relaxes and starts crying.

I feel like so many problems with kids in this world could be solved like that. I remember being 12-16 years old, and that was all i wanted, from anybody. I didn’t trust my parents and nobody saw that. These days, everyone’s too afraid of what people will think or what someone’s actual intentions are. And kids are suffering as a result. Everybody needs to KNOW somebody cares about them; that it’s not just all talk.
So…from one kid to the watching world: Parents. Be somebody your kids can respect. And i don’t mean be perfect. But when you make mistakes, when life is inevitable, own it. Be the best gosh-darn human you can be.
Other kids? Same deal. Look out for eachother. Give hugs, no matter what anyone thinks, for the other person’s benefit more than your own. It’s important.

*sigh* Rant over πŸ™‚ I just saw that and realized it’s important. Why doesn’t anybody care for real anymore?

In conclusion to my night, after we watched the show and talked, I was getting ready to go home, cuz it was around 11:30 at night. I got halfway out to the car and Marth’s dad called me back. I stepped back into the house, and Marth’s mom handed me $50. My lip started trembling and they explained that when their kids were little (“usually after the tax return”, Mrs. said, smiling) their dad would give them a few bucks, just because. And now i’m basically their kid too, and they wanted me to have it, because they loved me.
It was just amazing to see the provision of God that night, cuz the fuel light in my car had just gone on, and i literally had $4 to my name…Rent was due today and i don’t get paid until Friday. I could have dipped into my savings but i really didn’t want to do that…So it was just awesome. πŸ™‚ They both hugged me and sent me on my way, and i called Marth on my way home…it was just amazing πŸ™‚ Good times with great people. πŸ™‚